I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
