I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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