Buhtt sex?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
