I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
