So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
