Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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