This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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