We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
