If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
