some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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