Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
