Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nicole vs. Life
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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