Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
