YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
