yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
