I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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