Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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