im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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