i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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