WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
