Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
