watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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