She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
