Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
