If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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