You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
