Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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