omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
