My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
