they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm too high and old for this...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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