I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
