Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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