Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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