this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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