When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
