If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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