He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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