If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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