i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
