But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
