Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
