if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
why do cheetos always look like penises
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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