Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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