I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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