her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
