i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
