I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
