she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this beer tastes like vomit already
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
