the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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