Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
